Silent Screams (and other odd sounds)

This is what I'm thinking RIGHT NOW. It may not be what I'm thinking tomorrow.


An Attitude of Gratitude

After the past few weeks of the STAY AT HOME order and the extension to May 1st and possibly beyond  to STAY AT HOME and continue social distancing I felt an immediate cloud come over me.  I am having a hard time staying away from people as it is (but I do) but the jolt (that I was expecting) hit another chord inside of me.  I’ve been inside of my house since May 22, 2020 and the thought that I’m going to be in my house alone except for my 2 dogs was overwhelming at least.  I think I even shed a tear.

This morning, I woke up with the same dread and discomfort that I had the night before.  I needed to get rid of it, but how?  My house is clean, the closets are cleaned out, where to I go from here?  On the bottom of my computer, I found my answer.  Taped to the monitor is a prayer that I say when I’m stressed or depressed.  I don’t know who wrote it but I am grateful he did.  The prayer is short and sweet so you can say it over and over if you need to.  It goes like this:  “God, please remove this fear from me and give me a vision of what You would have me be.”  Sometimes I have to say it over and over until I feel a tangible relaxation of my fear and anxiety.  It’s a small price to pay but a huge pay out.

Saying this prayer this morning has given me a whole new attitude.  It hooked me to write a gratitude list of my own.  Maybe if you read this article, you might even find some gratitude outside of this pandemic we are facing.  Feel free to post your gratitudes in the comments because in today’s condition, everybody needs them.

I’m grateful that I had a husband of 40 years before he died and went to be with his Higher Power.  He was kind, caring and compassionate, the best husband God could have selected for me.

I’m grateful that out of the union between my husband and I, we were blessed with two children who grew into two strong women.  They continually amaze me with their knowledge and compassion for others and for me.  I am grateful for technology that allows me to see their faces when I talk to them on the phone.  It’s just like the Jetsons but I don’t have one of those things to fix my hair before I talk to anyone.

I am grateful for my brother and his family who live behind me.  Their support during this time of quarantine has been invaluable.  They buy me dinner and then throw it over the fence for me to eat.  Just a little bit of levity there!

I am grateful for my dogs, Roscoe and Chloe, who keep me moving at at time I could just lay down and melt into my couch.  They give me “people” to talk to and they are learning!  They have quickly caught on when I say, “I think I’ll make myself lunch.”  That’s when my Doberkids fly off their perch and are right by my side.

I am grateful that when I woke this morning, I heard the birds sining outside of my bedroom window.  I had to smile because so often, I don’t har the birds singing, I just see them flying away.  They serenaded me for quite some time and I loved every minute of it.

According to the CDC guidelines, I’m considered a high risk person, but right now, I am healthy.  I don’t have any chest congestion, cough, temperature or body aches (other than what old age brings you).    I am grateful that my brother’s family is safe and healthy as well as my Aunt who is recovering from a heart attach and her family as well.

I am grateful to my ER family who is still maintaining the front lines of this disease and will be for a long time.  I pray that they get the proper rest and nutrition they need.  To be honest, I pray for them all the time.  I pray that they get the PPE they need to survive and continue the brave fight they are enduring.

I am grateful for all my Al-Anon friends who have set up Zoom meeting so we can continue to fellowship without touching. I have to admit, the only thing lacking in the Zoom meetings is the big hug you get from seeing everyone.  I miss those hugs.

I don’t want to go on and on about what I’m grateful for because this morning there is a long list but I would be grateful if you would comment on at least one thing you are grateful for today.  It certainly has changed my attitude, does your attitude need a changing too?Social Isolation.jpg