Silent Screams (and other odd sounds)

This is what I'm thinking RIGHT NOW. It may not be what I'm thinking tomorrow.

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Sticks, Stones, Words, Bones


I’ve been told, “One of the things I like about you is that I always know where you are coming from, you don’t sugar coat much.”  I like that about me.  I like the fact that most people know if they ask me a question or want my opinion, they will get the truth from me as I see it at that moment.  While I like that about myself, I also know that others may not.  Some people are perfectly content to have superficial relationships with others who only tell them what they want to hear; these people collect other people who only want superficial relationships and the “friendships” they form are based upon what everyone want to hear.  Everybody is happy in that kind of relationship but nobody is real.  I like reality.

Most of the time, if not directly asked, I keep my opinions to myself but there are times when keeping my mouth shut would be worse than not saying what has swelled up inside of me. How can I keep my mouth shut when someone is spewing hatred with the words “faggot, nigger, kike” or one of the other many anti-people titles?  I was standing in the midst of a conversation when the group was talking about “gay” people.  I tried very hard to hold my tongue until one of the group said, “What could be worse than to find out your kid is gay?”  I couldn’t stop myself.  It blurted out.  “Well, let me see.  I think having a child who is a murderer, a rapist, a thief, a spouse abuser or hell, even a child who is a liar would be worse than having a gay child.”  The conversation ended because I made them feel uncomfortable.

If you have to start your sentence in a whispered tone with, “let me see if there are any black people around…” it probably means you should shut up before your ignorance spills onto the floor.  If your conversation can not be the same all the time without having to “watch what you say” perhaps you need to check inside yourself to see why your conversations have to be censored.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”  As adults, do we still believe this nursery rhyme?  Did we ever really believe it?  I have been physically hurt before but the pain I remember most are the things that others have said about when I was listening and when they thought I didn’t hear.  The damage that endures through time is generally not the physical pain but the emotional pain brought on by words.

Once words are spoken, they can never be erased.


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Did You Call?

I do not live with my cell phone attached to me.  In fact, there are times when I forget my phone at home when I am out and about running errands.  I know this may be a major shock to most people, but I don’t find it necessary to turn around and travel back home to pick up my phone to have it next to me.  There are very few messages important enough that can’t wait until I get home to retrieve them.  Of those messages that are of the utmost importance, I find that there is very little I could have done to change the outcome even if I had my cell phone attached to my hip.

I do not need my cell phone with me when I am eating dinner.  I do not need to hold my cell phone lovingly in my left hand while eating dinner with my right.  I do not need to take a bite of my food and listen while my phone beeps, buzzes or tweets to see what is happening with my family or friends.  I’m not sure, but I think that most of what the people I know does can wait until I see them in person for them to tell me directly.  I’m not sure, but I’m willing to risk it.  I like living on the edge.

I do not need my cell phone to tell everyone I know what I am doing or thinking.  I don’t think my life holds that much importance for everyone to know where I am, what I’m doing or what I’m thinking.  Maybe I like a little intrigue in my life; an element of mystery that makes me not want to bellow to the minions what I’m about; or maybe if the general population knew what I was thinking I’d have a permanent home in an asylum.

I do not carry my cell phone so I can carry on a conversation via text message.  I’m not going to fight, apologize or make solid plans via text message.  The intonation and expression is lost in the 160 characters I have to explain to anyone what I want, need, am sorry for or excited about.  I’m inclined to think that many a good relationship could be ruined by a text message.  In a world of cold and impersonal attitudes towards mankind, I can’t think of anything that can express that better than a conversation held via text messages.

Please, don’t get upset with me because I didn’t answer my cell phone right away Imagewhen you called or I didn’t get back to you until early evening or the following day.  It is probably because I forgot my cell phone at home or decided to run errands without it.

Please, don’t get upset with me because I don’t respond to your the buzzes, beeps and tweets to my cell phone.  I’m probably eating a meal; and I don’t answer any phone during meal time with family or friends.  If I’m not eating dinner, I might not answer my phone because its buried deep in my purse and I don’t hear it.  I am not so in tuned to my phone that I can hear it in any situation.

Please, don’t be alarmed or think I am excluding you from a friendship if I don’t respond immediately to your text message.  If I see the message on my phone, it was probably sent 2 hours ago which means I have to call you to apologize for not getting right back to you.

Communication by way of advanced technology is at our fingertips.  We can reach out and touch others as we never have been able to before.  We can connect to others in our home town and across the world.  We can communicate to the nations and still leave mankind cold.

I’m sorry I didn’t answer my cell; please call my land line!