Silent Screams (and other odd sounds)

This is what I'm thinking RIGHT NOW. It may not be what I'm thinking tomorrow.


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Find my Tuxedo

Tomorrow we have a family wedding to attend.  My father has been grumbling about attending since we received the invitation.

Dad:  “Why the hell do we have to go to that wedding, I don’t know those people!”

Me:  “Dad, those people live right behind us.”

Dad:  “I don’t know her [the bride].”

Me:  “No, you don’t know her.”

Dad:  “I told you I don’t know those people.”

Me:  “Dad, stop.  You know all our relatives that are going.”

Dad:  “I don’t like my relatives.”

Me:  “Oh, so you don’t like me?”

Dad:  “Sometimes I don’t.”

Me:  “That’s okay, because sometimes I don’t like you either.”

Dad:  “Really?  Why wouldn’t you like me?”

Me:  “Shall I give you all the reasons or just the top 100?”

Dad: “Hmm.  I know what’s happening here.”

Me:  “What’s happening?”

Dad:  “You’re trying to change the subject of why we shouldn’t go to the wedding.”

Me:  “Hey, don’t go.  Just don’t expect me to make excuses for you.”

Dad:  “You know I’m going.”

Me:  “Have you decided what you’re going to wear?”

Dad:  “My tuxedo.”

Me:  “Fine, I’ll look for something for you to wear.”

Several hours later…….

Me:  “Dad, do you know that you don’t have one pair of pants that don’t have grease stains on them, grass stains on them,  or paint stains on them, or a whole somewhere.”

Dad:  “That’s your fault.”

Me:  “My fault?”

Dad:  “You hide my damn clothes.”

Me:  “Dad, if I hid your clothes good enough, you’d  have a pair of pants.”

Dad:  “Just pick me out any damn pair of pants.  They are my pants, I’ll wear them if I want.”

Me:  “How about if I buy you a pair?”

Dad:  “How much is this wedding going to end up costing me.  I’m not the damn bride you know.”

Me:  “I know.  You don’t know the bride, remember?”

Dad:  “We’re just going to eat right?  I don’t want to go there all day.  I have things to do.”

Me:  “Dad, I’m going to the church at 2 and the reception at 7.  You can come with me or I can go without you.  It’s up to you.”

My husband:  “Your dad and I will just go to the reception.”

Me:  [Evil eye at the husband]

ImageDad:  “Fine.  I’ll go to both and ruin my day.  Just get my tuxedo ready.”